Life with No Ends

I've been thinking of many things tonight...

My LIFE...

My FAMILY...

My FRIENDS...

HOW DID IT GO?(so far...)

My life is starting to break into pieces, I guess? I don't know but that's what I feel. I mean I did everything but it always ends up like this. Am I being a narcissist? I always say that "I CAN DO IT" but honestly I don't know If I really can. I'm afraid in the "What if's" and "How to's". I don't even know what will be the advantages/disadvantages in my decisions. I don't like this kind of life. I hate it but that's what it is. That is the reality that we have to face.

Moving on...

I've been thinking especially about this person who is somewhat special to me(I think?). Well, I know that I don't have to make myself be eaten by this feeling but it always ends up thinking all over again and again in my mind and honestly I can't even help myself but just to go with the flow. I don't know If you can understand me and also I really can't understand myself.

Since I met this person, my life turned upside down. At first, it was like a calm horizon then it now has strong wind that can be a storm. Though, it became like that it was a nice storm. It was a colorful storm that can never be forgotten. Yes, it was a huge storm but the most unforgettable one. This person gave me different life. He let me introduced to a new life that I've never really imagined. He let me feel what I should feel. He let me fall into a deeper endless pit.

I thought I was with someone but then I end up alone it that pit with no one to catch me in the end. I end up being broken into pieces. It was like I'm over expecting from someone who will never have the courage to do what he really feels. Yes, I was discourage. It feels like no one can really understand what I feel. I feel like I was more alone than ever. Even if my friends kept on telling me that I don't have to feel that way, it was like I've never heard a thing from them. I was like I'm dying inside. I can't shout at the top of my lungs. I can't even cry. I was hiding all my feelings by myself. WHY? It is because if I did that I don't think I could handle to stop anymore. I never imagined that this would really happened to a person like me but I was so wrong. I was thinking that I can't go on, that I will never be whole again. Then someone patted me on my back to say that HE will always be there for me. I look up into the sky and I realized that there's still someone who will love me until the very end.

Even if the world will hate who I am, HE will always be there to love me.
Even if the world will not believe me, HE will always be there to believe in me.
Even if the world will leave me, HE will always be their for me.
Even if the world throw me away, HE will always be their to catch me.

GOD will always be my side.

And that's the only thing that I will forever hold onto.