The Voice Inside

Hello everyone!

I decided blog my feelings right now. First and foremost, I don’t know if you’ll read this or not. I don’t know if you’ll like this or not but as long as I’m writing this for myself then it would be great if you do. I wanted a happy life. Well, who doesn’t? We all want to have a perfect and happy life but I know not every single person has it. I’m just saying this because we all know that nobody’s perfect but then we can be better. We can change our whole lives to be better.


From the very start, I always wanted to be happy. I’ve never had contentment in my life. Do you know why? It is because there is always a question inside me. I’ve ask myself, who am I? What am I doing here? Why do I always feel like I have to do something but never did it? What is my purpose here? Why do I live? Why is my dad died when I was still a child? Why is my family like this? Why do I always want to have a nice family? Why do I have to experience these kinds of things? Why? There are so many questions that I, myself can’t answer. I even ask my mom some of these but then I failed. She didn’t answer me at all and worst is that she got angry with me. What am I going to do? Do I have to live my life with so many questions? I can’t even tell if this body is the real me. I can’t even tell who I really am. It is because I really don’t know. I still want to figure that out up until now. I read books, inspirational books such as The Purpose Driven Life, etc. but still I failed to know myself. I really hate it. I can’t even tell you if I love someone else because I really don’t know, I also can’t figure that out and because I can’t even tell myself that I love who I am. I always wanted to know who I am. I told my friends who I am, some laughed at me, some just stared at me, but then some answered me. I told them to help me figure who I am.


Until now, I still can’t figure that out but most of the time I do what I want to do. I act what I feel. As they say, “Be Yourself”, I act but never understand any of it. Some of my characters were revealed because they told me but I know deep inside me there still some more. There are some hidden things that I still don’t know. They all agreed that I am a very talkative and intelligent person. Some say I am a kind-hearted person. Some say I am such a worthless and horrible person. My friends say that I am benevolent but my family disagreed with it. That is why I still want to know myself. I know there are still things that I need to learn. There are still things that I still want to experience. Since, I am still a teenager I know there will always be surprises that will come into my life. I always think that I almost experience everything but then I know that there’s some more. I still need to learn. I am really eager to learn. I want to learn more. I want to experience more. But sometimes I want to give up. I am too exhausted with my life especially when I feel alone. When I feel that no one, not a single person, can help me. Sometimes I felt like I was being abandoned by the world. Sometimes I felt like everybody deserted me. And worst of it, I want to end. But, when I think of my friends that always believe in me I know I have to fight. I must struggle with these problems that will in come in my life. I know there will always be a battle but as long as there are people that always believe in me, I will be able to stand up every time I fall.


Now, I am still deciphering myself. I wanted to know more of myself. I want to understand what the world means to me. I want to solve every problem that will come my way. And I wanted to change my life. As long as I know that there are people that will be there beside me, I will always make sure that I will not surrender. I will always keep my head held high. These people will always be my inspiration to keep me holding on. These inspirations will always be in my heart no matter what.